Self-lobotomy

So this morning, as I sat in front of my PC and watched Honey and Clover. It was a usual morning. Siblings getting ready for school, parents getting ready for work. (with glances at my monitor, thinking "He's watching that cartoon stuff again")

My thoughts tend to go off on a wild tangent completely unrelated to what I was previously doing.

Suicide.

Killing yourself.

I don't really claim to understand what goes on in the mind of someone who wants to end his life. I tried to do it once, and I feel like a moron for even considering it now.

A few news articles I've seen display people jumping off a building or into a body of water, or overdosing on medicine. Damn, if you're going to kill yourself, I say, do it with a bang. Not by being found in a room foaming at the mouth with a bottle in your right hand. That makes you look lame. People will remember you as lame. Cowardice until the end.

Here are a few tips on how to effectively commit suicide. Some were taken from some anime I watch.

Okay, maybe the suicide thing was remotely related to what I was watching.

1) Scar someone for life. Make sure people remember you. Follow below steps on how to do this.

2) Pain. Make sure people see you in pain. Jumping off a building doesn't work very well for this, since it'll be quick for you. Try something like tearing out your own throat, biting your arm off, stabbing yourself repeatedly with a big knife in the head or neck, slowly going inside a meat grinder... Looking insane or deranged also works. Do a crazy laugh while in pain, staring at someone, for maximum effect. This works in conjunction with #1.

3) Red is good. Lots of red. Jumping off a building and making a big splat on the sidewalk can work for this, if the building is high. Carry a bed of long nails as you go down for added fun. Slitting your wrists is decent, but not enough. With the ideas from #2, make sure you splash that blood around.

4) No farewell notes. Those are for sissies.

Following these tips, you'll make headlines of tabloids in no time! You can brag about it in the afterlife!

Man A: I died of pneumonia.
Man B: I got into a plane crash.
Man C: I rigged my front door so if someone opened it, ten knives will rain down on me causing trauma to whoever came in.
Man A and B: Whoah. Cool.

*Author's Note: I am not responsible if you try any of these things at home, or anywhere for that matter, since you have to be fucked in the head when you kill yourself. I tried stabbing myself in the head with a butter knife once. It didn't really work.