Walking the Edge

I don't know about you, but I'm sick of all that medical advisory chain letter crap. You know, something like:

Scientists have discovered that the chemical Shitlolwtfomine, a major component of many various canned sardine products like Ligo, Mega, 555, I-can't-believe-it's-not-sardines-no-really-it-is can cause cancer. Pass this message to your friends, family, and loved ones, and warn them and save their lives.

Bull. Shit.

People apparently have no idea that life is one huge risk. When you wake up every morning, just be glad that you're still alive. Did you know that directly injecting the nicotine in one pack of cigarettes will instantly kill you? Did you know that whenever you take a breath, you also inhale various natural toxins in the air? Apart from the man-made ones.

Did you know people can stop breathing and die in their sleep? That you get more radiation from walking under the hot summer sun for an hour than the amount you get when you're X-rayed? That you get more bacteria from a paper bill than from a hospital? For that matter, that millions of bacteria invade your body every day?

How about the fact that a lot of processed products contain cancer-causing chemicals, which causes tumors in rats, when they are given a dose that is at least a thousand times more than what was in the food?

Many people overestimate some risks and not give enough attention to others. America spends more money cleaning up toxic waste dumps that may save a few hundred lives than breast cancer, which claims hundreds of thousands more. People are more concerned about flying in a plane than driving a car. Guess which mode of transport causes more deaths.

If you say airplanes, I will have to shove a ten-foot brass pole down your throat.

People are even more afraid of nuclear power plants than car crashes. The chances of a well-maintained nuclear power plant malfunctioning plus causing a meltdown is much much lower than driving down a dark street at night.

Does this mean it's okay to throw caution to the wind? No. You still have to take care of yourself and your health. Just keep in mind that you are at a constant risk your entire life. There are times when you just say, "Heck with it. Nobody lives forever."

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm thirsty. A long swig from the bathroom tap ought to cure that. Distilled water? Bah.

Ice Cream Makes Me Scream

I love ice cream. Which is primarily a girl thing.

"But Mark," you say, "Many males also love ice cream!"

My love is different. It's almost obsessive. If I didn't stop myself, I'd eat ice cream every few minutes. I go down on the stuff much faster than a horny teenager goes down for an Austrailian kiss. Which is like a French kiss, but down under. The time limit for a gallon would be thirty minutes. Maybe even twenty. Brain freeze? I'm nearly immune to it.

I was at the supermarket yesterday buying more ice cream, with my favorite flavor, Vanilla, woefully missing. I went after Chocolate Marble instead, and bought some of that chocolate syrup that becomes a hardened layer on ice cream after a while.

Companies are getting more creative these days in making ice cream flavors. (Thus the neglect of wonderful, wonderful vanilla. Sad.) I have found some of the more creative ones online, in MSN Japanese News, made by the Japanese. I love those guys.

First up, Raw Horseflesh Ice Cream. Oh god. There's actual horsemeat inside this little cup. I can't help but grimace, yet be oddly curious as to how it tastes.

Imagine putting steak into your ice cream.

Maybe it'll taste better with barbecue sauce. Maybe.


Next is Goat Ice Cream. No, not goat milk ice cream. Goat. Like flesh, skin, organs, and the milk. Maybe even goat excretions. Goat. Mmm.

The goat on the lid looks a little sad.






Enough about animals. Let's have a heaping mouthful of Seaweed Ice Cream! Packed with minerals, this treat is both delicious and healthy!

Note that delicious is a relative term here.

Maybe if you take it with some sashimi.



Sea Water Ice Cream! For that unique beach experience. And the best thing is, you don't have to buy this product to taste it. Just mix milk and seawater together and take a gulp.

I actually tried this. It's not so bad.


I love garlic. I love ice cream. What better way to appreciate them by putting them together! Not only is this delicious, but offers protection against certain creatures of the night.

This is something I would absolutely love to taste before I die.




There are more, which I will introduce in our next installment! Just remember; people can get very creative.

(This entry may look a little messed up. I have a hard time getting blogspot to do what I want. Meh.)

How To Make A Good Movie, Part 1

I came across this idea on the quote database and discussed it with a few friends.

A lot of movies would be better if it had ninjas.

Not the Naruto-type ninjas, mind you. The real deal. Black. Masks. Badass. Let's take for example, the movie Titanic. Can you imagine how better the Titanic would be if there were ninjas in it?













I would watch it ten times over.

The hero (I forgot his name) could be a ninja who betrayed his clan, and they eventually found him on the Titanic. Then the ninjas sink the titanic, using an iceberg cover and the hero must fend them off so Rose can get to safety as the ship sinks. The captain could be a former ninja, too, and help the hero out!

Filmmakers are missing a great opportunity here.

Now, I just need to convice someone with deep pockets...

Gender Bender

Once again, I have recieved another message in Yahoo Messenger, asking for my details. And by that, I mean age, sex, location, likes, dislikes, my type, my vital statistics, and more things I do not care (or want, for that matter) to remember. If the sender were female, I'd be overjoyed.

As many people who know me know, I play a female character in practically every online game I play. I also exhibit some female behavior. Professionals have told me that my male and female sides were equally balanced, and the illusion would be perfect if my looks were androgynous. This carries over online.

I do not mention that I am female at all. Some simply assume I am. That leads to things which do not please me at all. Like sexual harassment. Guys asking for my a/s/l. People actually trying to stalk me. I've sent in quite a few ingame reports over the years.

However, I, and forevermore, will play women in online games. I will endure. I've done so for a long time now. I can stand the jerks and sexually-deprived preteens breathing heavily in 20-peso internet cafes.

My reasons? I am more expressive as a girl for some reason. Another reason? It's easy.

If you are male, which of the below would you rather be staring at for hours on end?
(Pictures courtesy of Gamespot and some other website that I forgot.)




I thought so.

Self-lobotomy

So this morning, as I sat in front of my PC and watched Honey and Clover. It was a usual morning. Siblings getting ready for school, parents getting ready for work. (with glances at my monitor, thinking "He's watching that cartoon stuff again")

My thoughts tend to go off on a wild tangent completely unrelated to what I was previously doing.

Suicide.

Killing yourself.

I don't really claim to understand what goes on in the mind of someone who wants to end his life. I tried to do it once, and I feel like a moron for even considering it now.

A few news articles I've seen display people jumping off a building or into a body of water, or overdosing on medicine. Damn, if you're going to kill yourself, I say, do it with a bang. Not by being found in a room foaming at the mouth with a bottle in your right hand. That makes you look lame. People will remember you as lame. Cowardice until the end.

Here are a few tips on how to effectively commit suicide. Some were taken from some anime I watch.

Okay, maybe the suicide thing was remotely related to what I was watching.

1) Scar someone for life. Make sure people remember you. Follow below steps on how to do this.

2) Pain. Make sure people see you in pain. Jumping off a building doesn't work very well for this, since it'll be quick for you. Try something like tearing out your own throat, biting your arm off, stabbing yourself repeatedly with a big knife in the head or neck, slowly going inside a meat grinder... Looking insane or deranged also works. Do a crazy laugh while in pain, staring at someone, for maximum effect. This works in conjunction with #1.

3) Red is good. Lots of red. Jumping off a building and making a big splat on the sidewalk can work for this, if the building is high. Carry a bed of long nails as you go down for added fun. Slitting your wrists is decent, but not enough. With the ideas from #2, make sure you splash that blood around.

4) No farewell notes. Those are for sissies.

Following these tips, you'll make headlines of tabloids in no time! You can brag about it in the afterlife!

Man A: I died of pneumonia.
Man B: I got into a plane crash.
Man C: I rigged my front door so if someone opened it, ten knives will rain down on me causing trauma to whoever came in.
Man A and B: Whoah. Cool.

*Author's Note: I am not responsible if you try any of these things at home, or anywhere for that matter, since you have to be fucked in the head when you kill yourself. I tried stabbing myself in the head with a butter knife once. It didn't really work.

Teenagers, Part 1

I dislike annoying people in general. Especially annoying people who don't listen.

Take, for example, a friend of my brother's.

I've lost count of how many times I've told him that I own my YM account. I've told him that buzzing me in Yahoo Messenger has no effect because the little screen doesn't shake. I've told him that it also makes no noise. I don't like to be interrupted too much when I'm playing.

What does he do? The complete opposite, of course. His typical way of talking to me consists of a message and an immediate buzz. Asking if my brother was here. He used to just say "Magz?" and assume that my bro's sitting where I am now. That's the only thing he learned.

When he's asking something, he buzzes if I don't answer after a few seconds. That's really annoying. Kids these days, so impatient. When I do reply...he goes AFK 80% of the time. Great. Just great.

I set myself to be always invisible to him just today. Funny that I didn't think of this sooner.

Listening to others is important. Ever heard of the professor who delivered a presentation wearing an elegant suit and using a slide projector in a dark room, after the client explicitly said to keep the lights on and dress simply? He got booted halfway through.

You not listening may only embarass you. Him not listening cost him $3000 and his reputation.

Keep your ears open.

So here it is.

I'm evil. Really. I'm just good at hiding it.

I felt lke writing down my thoughts before I become more insane than I already am. A lot of things in daily life stresses me out in general. And I don't have an outlet. As much as I like to drop dead drunk, I'm allgeric to most forms of alcohol.

I don't want to go through a 3-day rash period again.

This will be a place where I will rant in general. May it be trivial or major.

I warned you.

I won't bother stating my age, location or whatnot. Stuff like that will be mentioned when I feel like it. I'll just say that I am male.

Anyway.

*ehem*

I also have a love for H Games. I won't post any pics here, perverts, since I appreciate them as an art, not something you jerk off to. So I may discuss that from time-to-time. And I won't get into any detail about scenes. I would like my blog to be relatively work-safe.

Let it begin.